Sunday, July 09, 2006
Let's assume the average human being lives to be 75 years old.
That's 27,375 days of living.
Now, let's assume the average Mormon (a subspecies of human) lives to be 75 years old.
That's 23,465 days of living.
Wait! Hold on a second...How can that be? Shouldn't they live the same number of days, if they both live to be 75? Let's walk through the mathematics used to obtain these respective figures.
Take 75 years and multiply it by 365 days. The answer: 27,365 days of existence on this planet.
Now, do the same for the Mormon...75 x 365 = 27,365...But wait! Hold that calculator! Some subtraction is needed here. See, Mormons only live six days out of seven, because every Sunday is essentially wasted. You can't go shopping. You can't recreate. Yardwork is out. Dating is a no. So take that 27,365 and divide it by 7. You get 3911. Three thousand nine hundred and eleven Sundays of your life...wasted.
But good Mormons don't consider them wasted. That's 3911 days I spent writing in my journal, they say. And 3911 days I spent visiting the sick, and having family dinners, and scrapbooking. That's 3911 times I attended sacrament meeting. I heard 75 Christmas lessons in Sunday School, and 75 Easter lessons, and 75 lessons every November about giving thanks. I'm guaranteed a spot in heaven.
Maybe I'll get excommunicated for writing this. No problem. I'll instantly gain a few thousand days of my life back, and a few thousand hours of sleep every Sunday morning.
That's 27,375 days of living.
Now, let's assume the average Mormon (a subspecies of human) lives to be 75 years old.
That's 23,465 days of living.
Wait! Hold on a second...How can that be? Shouldn't they live the same number of days, if they both live to be 75? Let's walk through the mathematics used to obtain these respective figures.
Take 75 years and multiply it by 365 days. The answer: 27,365 days of existence on this planet.
Now, do the same for the Mormon...75 x 365 = 27,365...But wait! Hold that calculator! Some subtraction is needed here. See, Mormons only live six days out of seven, because every Sunday is essentially wasted. You can't go shopping. You can't recreate. Yardwork is out. Dating is a no. So take that 27,365 and divide it by 7. You get 3911. Three thousand nine hundred and eleven Sundays of your life...wasted.
But good Mormons don't consider them wasted. That's 3911 days I spent writing in my journal, they say. And 3911 days I spent visiting the sick, and having family dinners, and scrapbooking. That's 3911 times I attended sacrament meeting. I heard 75 Christmas lessons in Sunday School, and 75 Easter lessons, and 75 lessons every November about giving thanks. I'm guaranteed a spot in heaven.
Maybe I'll get excommunicated for writing this. No problem. I'll instantly gain a few thousand days of my life back, and a few thousand hours of sleep every Sunday morning.
# posted by RBW @ 10:00 PM 
