Tuesday, August 08, 2006
If there was ever a contest held for the most bizarre news story in Utah history, most people would undoubtedly select the Elizabeth Smart incident or the Lori/Mark Hacking scandal, both of which are fairly fresh in the collective social consciousness. Both stories made national headlines and were pretty crazy in their own ways, but if you’re looking for something that goes a little further in the realm of weirdness, consider a forgotten news story that leaked on July 14, 1995, back when I was an annoying, wide-eyed 14-year-old.
So what’s this forgotten story I’m referring to? Here’s the short version, which has been distorted a little over time. Back in 1991, a 35-year-old Wyoming bumpkin named Bruce Jensen had a single sexual encounter with a woman named Leasa whom he met at the University of Utah. Bruce, a devout Mormon, was eaten alive by guilt over his sexual indiscretion, an act that became even more shameful when Leasa told him she was pregnant with twins. So Bruce did the honorable thing and asked Leasa to marry him. Here’s where the story gets weird.
According to some accounts, the two were married in an LDS temple, even though they obviously weren’t temple worthy because of their premarital sexual activity. Other accounts say the two were married in Lyman, Wyoming and later got sealed “for time and all eternity” in an LDS temple. Either way, the fact remains. The two were sealed in the temple at some point. Sadly, Leasa miscarried the twins, but she and Bruce survived and settled down in Bountiful for a nice marriage.
Fast forward four years to 1995. One day, Leasa mysteriously disappeared, so Bruce filed a missing person report with the local police. A few days later, police in Las Vegas arrested a man using Leasa’s credit card, which had been abused to the sum of $40,000 dollars. The man arrested was 34-year-old Felix Urioste, who claimed that the card was his. A little investigation proved that Felix was telling the truth. The card was his. It turns out that Felix was the missing Leasa, Bruce’s wife of nearly four years.
Felix had been dressing as a woman for years, wearing a wig and taking female hormones to grow slight breasts. He’d had his testicles removed, but still had his shaft of manhood. He was also still capable of growing a beard, since he was apprehended in Vegas wearing one.
Now, remember the circumstances that originally forced the two to get married. Leasa, now Felix, had claimed to be pregnant. Obviously, she, or he, wasn’t pregnant. As the police sorted through the weirdness, they learned that the two had never even had sex, and that in four years, Bruce had never seen his wife completely naked. What’s even more baffling to me is that not once, in four years, did Bruce even attempt to touch his wife…down there. Nor did he even take a peek. If he would have, even once, the marriage would have been over. Sorry Bruce, but you’re either gay or really stupid. And what about the wig? How do you live with someone for four years and not know they’re wearing one?
So why, if they never had sex, did Bruce think his bride-to-be was pregnant? Obviously, he must have missed that magical day in fifth grade when they show you that film strip about puberty and how babies are made. Or he simply felt so guilty over what must have been a minor (and gay) sexual encounter that he thought he had to get married. Of course, the real story here regards the LDS temple. Ironically, despite the church’s rigid stance against gay marriage, two men have been legally and lawfully wed inside “the house of the Lord” for time and all eternity. Understandably, the church has ignored the whole incident.
So what happened to Felix and Bruce? Felix was arrested and sent to prison for fraud or extortion or something like that. Bruce immediately filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. You think? What a moron.
Anyway, what was the point in telling this charming tale? I think it serves as a warning and teaches a valuable lesson: Never marry anyone without seeing them naked first!
As I’ve mentioned before on here, my older brother Sean will be getting married in two days. Sean, please, learn from Bruce Jensen’s mistake and take a peek at your naked fiancé before you tie the knot. As history has proven at least once, she could be a man.
So what’s this forgotten story I’m referring to? Here’s the short version, which has been distorted a little over time. Back in 1991, a 35-year-old Wyoming bumpkin named Bruce Jensen had a single sexual encounter with a woman named Leasa whom he met at the University of Utah. Bruce, a devout Mormon, was eaten alive by guilt over his sexual indiscretion, an act that became even more shameful when Leasa told him she was pregnant with twins. So Bruce did the honorable thing and asked Leasa to marry him. Here’s where the story gets weird.
According to some accounts, the two were married in an LDS temple, even though they obviously weren’t temple worthy because of their premarital sexual activity. Other accounts say the two were married in Lyman, Wyoming and later got sealed “for time and all eternity” in an LDS temple. Either way, the fact remains. The two were sealed in the temple at some point. Sadly, Leasa miscarried the twins, but she and Bruce survived and settled down in Bountiful for a nice marriage.
Fast forward four years to 1995. One day, Leasa mysteriously disappeared, so Bruce filed a missing person report with the local police. A few days later, police in Las Vegas arrested a man using Leasa’s credit card, which had been abused to the sum of $40,000 dollars. The man arrested was 34-year-old Felix Urioste, who claimed that the card was his. A little investigation proved that Felix was telling the truth. The card was his. It turns out that Felix was the missing Leasa, Bruce’s wife of nearly four years.
Felix had been dressing as a woman for years, wearing a wig and taking female hormones to grow slight breasts. He’d had his testicles removed, but still had his shaft of manhood. He was also still capable of growing a beard, since he was apprehended in Vegas wearing one.
Now, remember the circumstances that originally forced the two to get married. Leasa, now Felix, had claimed to be pregnant. Obviously, she, or he, wasn’t pregnant. As the police sorted through the weirdness, they learned that the two had never even had sex, and that in four years, Bruce had never seen his wife completely naked. What’s even more baffling to me is that not once, in four years, did Bruce even attempt to touch his wife…down there. Nor did he even take a peek. If he would have, even once, the marriage would have been over. Sorry Bruce, but you’re either gay or really stupid. And what about the wig? How do you live with someone for four years and not know they’re wearing one?
So why, if they never had sex, did Bruce think his bride-to-be was pregnant? Obviously, he must have missed that magical day in fifth grade when they show you that film strip about puberty and how babies are made. Or he simply felt so guilty over what must have been a minor (and gay) sexual encounter that he thought he had to get married. Of course, the real story here regards the LDS temple. Ironically, despite the church’s rigid stance against gay marriage, two men have been legally and lawfully wed inside “the house of the Lord” for time and all eternity. Understandably, the church has ignored the whole incident.
So what happened to Felix and Bruce? Felix was arrested and sent to prison for fraud or extortion or something like that. Bruce immediately filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. You think? What a moron.
Anyway, what was the point in telling this charming tale? I think it serves as a warning and teaches a valuable lesson: Never marry anyone without seeing them naked first!
As I’ve mentioned before on here, my older brother Sean will be getting married in two days. Sean, please, learn from Bruce Jensen’s mistake and take a peek at your naked fiancé before you tie the knot. As history has proven at least once, she could be a man.
