Wednesday, September 20, 2006
During the Vietnam War, a certain complaint from American soldiers kept Army quartermasters busy. Here's the story:
After a few months in the sweltering jungles of the Orient, many of the American GI's developed a certain affinity for Asian women, and the women were more than happy to please their white-skinned invaders. Naturally, both parties wanted to act on their desires without any unintended consequences or risks. But there was a problem. Asian condoms, made for Asian men, were often too small for large American penises, resulting in breakage, discomfort, and eventually, disuse. This is perhaps the only time in history when men were envious of those less endowed, and guys with small penises were preferred by women.
Since then, the so-called "fact" that Asian men have tiny penises has hovered somewhere between myth and reality, existing mostly as a joke and to make whites feel superior to Asians in something non-technology related. There's a famous episode of South Park where Asians plan to invade America by first befriending all the men and admiring their large American wee wee's. The men, of course, are flattered to feel superior in that area and don't suspect a thing.
The stats say that American and European condoms are 17 centimeters long. Converted to standard units, that's 6.69 inches, which sounds about right. By contrast, Asian condoms are 14 centimeters long, equaling 5.51 inches. American/Euro condoms are also a quarter inch wider at the base. Form follows function, right? Does any more need to be said?
I mention all this Asian penis stuff because a unique news story leaked from China a few days ago. Somehow, a 44-year-old Chinese man got his penis damaged in an traumatic accident. While the man's accident teaches an important lesson on why males shouldn't fornicate with heavy machinery, it also presented Chinese doctors with the rare opportunity to perform the world's first penis transplant. The man and his wife had requested the surgery, since he hadn't been able to urinate or copulate properly since his penis's unfortunate demise. So the doctors took the penis of a 22-year-old brain-dead man (I assume he was Chinese) and attached it to the patient during a 15-hour surgery.
The patient was peeing normally ten days after the surgery, but despite its initial success, the donor penis was removed after only two weeks. The reason? "The patient finally decided to give up the treatment because of the wife's psychological rejection, as well as the swollen shape of the transplanted penis." Wow. rejected by your own wife after suffering through a dangerous operation just to please her. Some guys just can't win.
So I guess the man's wife, understandably, didn't want to touch a dead man's penis. But that's not what makes this story intriguing. The news story mentioned that the donated penis was four inches long, and here's where it gets interesting. By American standards, that's nothing to be proud of. In fact, a four-inch penis is downright embarrassing. But by Asian standards, getting a 4-incher surgically grafted to your body is likely a substantial improvement. Most men would upgrade their girth down there, given the chance, and I'm sure this man was no exception. He endured a 15-hour surgery and a few weeks of psychological torment just for the chance of having a penis actually visible with the naked eye. Maybe his new endowment was just too much for his poor wife. That's why it didn't last.
China is currently the most populous nation on Earth with 1.2 billion inhabitants. Asia, as a whole, covers 30 percent of the world's land but contains 60 percent of its people, proving that it's not only the Chinese who procreate like rabbits, but all Asians. You'd think that with such tiny penises, their collective sex lives would suffer and their fertility rates would drop. Most apes have very small penises, less than two inches in length, and not surprisingly, most are endangered in the wild. How do Asians avoid the same fate? There must be something in that rice.
After a few months in the sweltering jungles of the Orient, many of the American GI's developed a certain affinity for Asian women, and the women were more than happy to please their white-skinned invaders. Naturally, both parties wanted to act on their desires without any unintended consequences or risks. But there was a problem. Asian condoms, made for Asian men, were often too small for large American penises, resulting in breakage, discomfort, and eventually, disuse. This is perhaps the only time in history when men were envious of those less endowed, and guys with small penises were preferred by women.
Since then, the so-called "fact" that Asian men have tiny penises has hovered somewhere between myth and reality, existing mostly as a joke and to make whites feel superior to Asians in something non-technology related. There's a famous episode of South Park where Asians plan to invade America by first befriending all the men and admiring their large American wee wee's. The men, of course, are flattered to feel superior in that area and don't suspect a thing.
The stats say that American and European condoms are 17 centimeters long. Converted to standard units, that's 6.69 inches, which sounds about right. By contrast, Asian condoms are 14 centimeters long, equaling 5.51 inches. American/Euro condoms are also a quarter inch wider at the base. Form follows function, right? Does any more need to be said?
I mention all this Asian penis stuff because a unique news story leaked from China a few days ago. Somehow, a 44-year-old Chinese man got his penis damaged in an traumatic accident. While the man's accident teaches an important lesson on why males shouldn't fornicate with heavy machinery, it also presented Chinese doctors with the rare opportunity to perform the world's first penis transplant. The man and his wife had requested the surgery, since he hadn't been able to urinate or copulate properly since his penis's unfortunate demise. So the doctors took the penis of a 22-year-old brain-dead man (I assume he was Chinese) and attached it to the patient during a 15-hour surgery.
The patient was peeing normally ten days after the surgery, but despite its initial success, the donor penis was removed after only two weeks. The reason? "The patient finally decided to give up the treatment because of the wife's psychological rejection, as well as the swollen shape of the transplanted penis." Wow. rejected by your own wife after suffering through a dangerous operation just to please her. Some guys just can't win.
So I guess the man's wife, understandably, didn't want to touch a dead man's penis. But that's not what makes this story intriguing. The news story mentioned that the donated penis was four inches long, and here's where it gets interesting. By American standards, that's nothing to be proud of. In fact, a four-inch penis is downright embarrassing. But by Asian standards, getting a 4-incher surgically grafted to your body is likely a substantial improvement. Most men would upgrade their girth down there, given the chance, and I'm sure this man was no exception. He endured a 15-hour surgery and a few weeks of psychological torment just for the chance of having a penis actually visible with the naked eye. Maybe his new endowment was just too much for his poor wife. That's why it didn't last.
China is currently the most populous nation on Earth with 1.2 billion inhabitants. Asia, as a whole, covers 30 percent of the world's land but contains 60 percent of its people, proving that it's not only the Chinese who procreate like rabbits, but all Asians. You'd think that with such tiny penises, their collective sex lives would suffer and their fertility rates would drop. Most apes have very small penises, less than two inches in length, and not surprisingly, most are endangered in the wild. How do Asians avoid the same fate? There must be something in that rice.
